The identity crunch

No doubt you’ve heard about the worldwide identity crunch and how it’s finally hit the Warsaw. Sadly, I have to report that we too, have been affected.


As you know, it all started last year in Bognor Regis when unscrupulous identity sharks started giving away identities to any Tomcat, Dick or Harold Robins with absolutely no collateral such as loud noises or Tommy Cooper impersonations.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e9mIj32Bgs&feature=related



They then sold on the risk to make-up farmers in Venezuela who tried to hide the extent of the identity debt with extra lippy and blusher. By the time that it was revealed that Kylie Minogue was actually Rolf Harris, all confidence was lost me kangaroo down sport.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D-LmRNdQiQ



Our own crisis started when Catko’s at Dave Totoloto Wola ran out of cat litter. Lady of the house bought straw as a substitute. After playing with it and then eating a bit, Harvey started hopping around, shouting, ‘where’s dat wabbit?’ But it didn’t stop there - oh no. Thurber announced that he is in fact a repressed cat and now he feels comfortable enough with himself to release the ‘inner cat.’ Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog, woof, that’s what I say.

The rest of the cats seem to be OK but it’s like waiting for a sugared mouse to explode.
There’s worse still. Even my own family has been affected. By brother thinks he’s a chicken. We’d tell him he isn’t but we need the eggs.

Sleep if you dare and wait for Dawn’s knock three times on the ceiling if you love me; twice on the pipe; means you ain’t gonna show.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LmBzqQPTGs

Name day

Horizontal lines
Choking

Bartek's tail

Luckily, after a few hot numbers on the radio, the glue melted and we were able to return to our shelves. It’s a good time to tell you a bit more about Bartek who arrived while we had been abducted. I didn’t realise at first on account of his modestly but he is in fact ‘the’ Bartek of Zakopane! Yes, that’s right, the famous wooden cat ski jumper. Being brought up in the meowntains, it came catrally to him. Many a time we have watched in awe as he jumped prodigious distances to out leap his arch rival, Adam Meowisz. Although in the last Wooden Olymipicats, he only beat him by a whisker, this secured his financial future and he was able to retire comfortably.

As you might expect, it had always been his dream to escape the meowntains and leave that ugly environment full of hills, trees and babbling brooks in favour of the squalor of Wola. Well, like most cats, he’s landed on his feet and acquired an apartment with a Skup view. He’s taken a photo from his window, from were he enjoys panoramic views of the litter and Skup below. How I envy him! This is the same area that Harvey has to watch for naughty cats and inform the cat police, so there is activity as well as beauty.

Seeing as he is such a star, we’ve allowed him to choose the music this week. It’s his favourite - Cat out of Hell by Milk loaf.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvoSBKlpCqY&playnext_from=PL&feature=PlayList&p=7E802D2A44AFA83B&playnext=1&index=49

Looking at the view whilst listen to the track is as good as it gets - some cats have all the luck. Goodnight.

Name day
Ouch, couch and slouch
Better get slouching!

Radio Daft

Here in the Warsaw we’ve been busy this week catching up on all the cat news. Marek has discovered a new radio station and we’ve been glued to the radio all week. This was an accident, as a tin of glue spilt over as we were turning it on and in fact we couldn’t change the station now if we wanted to. Luckily it’s a great channel.

Radio Daft! Broadcasting to Daft as a brush, Daft on the hill, daft on the wold, daft on a stick and Wola. They have a lot of interviews with feline celebrities - not just alley cat gossip but high whiskered programmes too. For example, only yesterday there was an interview with the famous scientist Albert Catsteine who explained that the amount of biscuits you get is relative to the proportion of cat meat in the bowl. Then we were treated to a reading by the Catalan surrealist poet Meow Rodriguez.

Your ears are like milk
Tram 24
All blue
All gone
Like milk
And slowly my piano drowns
Like herrings in milk

To be honest, it’s so intellectual I don’t understand it. Thank God then for Tom Cat Jones. They play his record every hour. Give it a go. Tune into Radio Daft but watch out for glue pots, jam jars, honey, treacle and bogus milk salesmen disguised as herrings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBdSqk78nHw

Name day
Relativity (relatively speaking - I mean it depends what you compare it to and what exactly is a day, or speaking, for that matter)
Toast - hurray, a nice simple one!