I'm a mod

Bob lives! Thanks to your kind donations, the chocolate famine is behind us and with the bird siege over, everything is hanky-panky-mimby-jimby. To celebrate, we all went down to Wedels which is The Warsaw’s premier chocolate boozer. I had lashings of drinking chocky which was yumski. Well, we rather over-indulged and more than one of us needed a tummy rub when we got home. Have you ever smelt chocolate burps? They’re quite nice actually.

As you probably know, next to Wedels is a Vespa shop and being in the middle of the Tomcat menopaws, I needed to let my fur down and feel the wind in my whiskers. I’ve bought one and now I’m a mod!

Do you have a problem with that? Do you want a fight? Are you calling me a dog? Have you got any Small Faces or Jam? Are you going to the Isle of Mice?

Name Day

Squirrel droppings
Anything wet

Help Bob Now!

Saved! Builder’s Bum below got so fed up with Mr Ploppy landing on his motor that he shot at the fiendish fowl until the feathered felons flew the nest. Hooray! Botty for President! But this has only exposed a further crisis. As you know, during the siege, chocolate stock levels plummeted and the reduced cocoa intake has left me dangerously weak which is why I am appealing to you directly.

Bob needs chocolate
Without it, he will perish
Don’t let it be on your conscience
Send chocolate now (No white - it sucks)

Any solid bar is good and in particular, bounty, kit-kat, twix and snickers

Bob needs chocolate now
Please give generously
Don’t send money, just chocolate
Help a cat today
Help Bob
Bob needs your chocolate
NOW!

SEND THE FECKIN’ CHOCKY NOW YU IJUT!

Name day:

Rotunda
Peel off face mask
Belly fluff

Barney goes Doolally Dave

Barney’s gone Doolally Dave again - not that he was ever compos mentis in the first place. He discovered that he’d missed St. Patrick’s day - by a month to be precise. Undeterred, he toddled off to Jimmy Bradley’s and got somewhat lubricated on Guinesss. Drunk as a lord, he staggered home and fell into to a hole in Mlynarska, where they are relaying the tramline.

He would have been buried alive if he hadn’t been rescued by a passing, travelling Pork Pie seller from Wigan. Not satisfied with his good fortune, he tried to half inch some of the tram track and sell it down at the Scup. Well it wasn’t long before the Cat Police were on to him.

Now he’s on the run and disguised as George Melly in a ridiculous outfit that only draws attention in my opinion.



Non Wooden Cats have no sense at all unlike us solid Wooden Cats who have woody minds full of wisdom built on years of Oak, Pine and Elder. Some days, I wish I was a tree - a lovely big tree with branches swaying in the wind, leaves shimmering and birds tickling me with their feathers.

It’s obvious to see how Doolally Dave Barney is in comparison.

Name day

Empty crisp packet
Broken biscuits
Clicking your pen in an irritating way